


Covetousness of the Soul

by sciencebluefeelings



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bodyswap, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Katra, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24635632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencebluefeelings/pseuds/sciencebluefeelings
Summary: When Ambassador Spock died, his katra was transferred to the donated body of a fourteen-year-old Vulcan for storage. The vessel was never supposed to wake up. Not only does the vessel wake up, he wakes up with Spock's complete consciousness and memories.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock Prime
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	Covetousness of the Soul

Spock was aware of his limbs. More precisely, he was aware that he could not control them.

He remembered noise over his head, a few distinct voices saying medical terms and numerical readings in Vulcan. Someone said his name. Spock may have said something in reply. 

Coldness seeped through his mind and Spock fell unconscious again.

The next time Spock came into awareness again, he was much more cognizant of his surroundings. He twitched his fingers and felt a soft mattress and blankets surrounding his form. There was an echoing absence of dull pain Spock had become accustomed to as his mortal flesh reached the last decades of its life.

Spock opened his eyes and the hazy bright scene of a sterile hospital room came into focus.

"Ambassador Spock." Spock's eyes snapped to the Vulcan doctor at his bedside. The doctor told Spock her name and the hospital that they were at. Spock stared. He sensed a strange alarm radiating from her, but he did not understand her reason for concern. The doctor said, "Describe your condition."

Spock worked his throat, and was astonished at the soft tone that escaped his vocal cords, free of gravelly rasping. He brought up his hand connected to an intravenous catheter, and stared at the small fingers with even smaller rounded nails. Spock sat up against the doctor's protests and brought the hand to his face. He felt smooth, unblemished skin that was absent of the deep creases of age. "What is this?" The young voice he used was not his own. Spock felt burgeoning panic push past his control. The heartbeat monitor reflected his fear. "What's happening?"

"Please stay calm, Ambassador Spock." The doctor was adjusting the bed for Spock to lean against. "Please inform us of the last events you can remember."

Spock breathed slowly and tried to recall what had occurred before. Spock remembered grief, leaving his previous universe and destroying this new reality and his home planet. He remembered his exile and relocation to a small home at the peripheries of the New Vulcan colony. He remembered long, lonely nights. When it had seemed the darkness would suffocate Spock, an unexpected light had intervened with blinding brightness.

"Jim." Spock looked up helplessly. Spock remembered the young captain on shore leave standing on Spock's doorstep. He remembered a whirlwind of emotions and action, Jim under his covers pressed to his skin. The morning afterwards had been shy, but no less intimate. It was not right. Spock had not forgotten his charge to his younger counterpart. Jim had explained his choice of friendship with his first officer, but Spock had regretted his choice regardless. The captain had returned to his ship, his first and best destiny, and Spock had avoided the captain's calls.

It had been a matter of time before Spock collapsed and had to be brought to the emergency room. They had discovered the red matter radiation consuming Spock from the inside out. Spock learned he had only one month left to live.

Jim had cried when Spock informed him. Jim had returned to New Vulcan that day, and he had stayed with Spock, made love to him and lived with him as if nothing were amiss. It was only during Spock's last three days that his health had declined rapidly.

"He was at my bedside." And then there had been nothing but the sensation of Spock's breathing. Spock had known in that instant that it was time. "I died." Spock leaned further back into the mattress, shaken. "Surely I must be dead now."

"We are unable to explain why you have regained consciousness. You were not supposed to wake once more after we completed the katra transfer."

Spock froze. That too-young voice goes through his chest and out his throat. "I did not consent to having my katra restored. Explain why you have done this."

The doctor spoke patiently and deliberately as if speaking to a young child, which Spock now knew he presented as. "Your knowledge of the future is extensive and highly valuable, Ambassador. Your citizenship card was incomplete regarding your choice to transfer your katra. It would have been a great loss to abandon your great wealth of wisdom."

Spock could lash out from the indignation crawling in his chest. "Inform me of the identity of the donor's body."

"The previous donor's information is classified, however we can tell you he made the decision himself before he lost lucidity. He was fourteen years of age."

Spock wanted to scrub at his face, overwhelmed with grief from this new knowledge of a young life lost far too soon. 

"The transfer is already complete, Ambassador. The Council is taking precautionary measures due to the unusual circumstances. They will be assisting you through this transition." The Vulcan doctor was holding a PADD now. "You have a new identity and citizenship status. Once you are deemed stable, we shall relocate you to your new place of residence with a foster family-"

"I would not prefer that option," Spock said immediately. He tried to work his legs, and the sensation of the sheets against his newly hairless calves was bewildering. "I must speak to Captain Kirk."

"The individual you have listed as your beneficiary? He is on his way."

Spock paused. "He will be here soon?"

The doctor began removing Spock's catheter. "He will be here in approximately six point seven hours. We shall direct him here when he arrives."

Spock bowed his head as the doctor left. He desired to meditate as he waited for the love of his life, however concentration eluded him and he could not keep his mind empty.

*

Spock heard the hospital room door slide open and realized he had fallen asleep. Jim was there with the doctor close behind him. He was staring at Spock, his expression blank. 

Spock's heart leapt. "Jim," he said, scrambling out of the bed to rush towards him. The top of Spock's head barely reached Jim's chest. When Spock hugged Jim, Jim did not hug him back. Instead, Jim gently removed Spock's arms from around his body. His hands were shaking. One of those trembling hands reached for Spock's face, brushing over his meld points. 

Spock remembered how those fingers splayed to reach the meld points of his original face. In this form, Jim's broad hand nearly covered Spock's slight face. Spock could feel every rough callus. Spock felt Jim probe in his mind, searching for something a psi-null human would be unable to discover unless their mind had been touched by a Vulcan already. 

The whisper of a partially formed bond seeped between them, familiar and warm. Jim shoved Spock away. Spock nearly collapsed backwards, still unaccustomed to controlling this smaller, weaker form. Jim was breathing heavily. "Fuck. Fuck, no." Jim tugged at his hair. "They were fucking telling the truth?"

Spock was frozen, unsure how to react to the captain's outburst.

"Yes, Captain," the doctor confirmed. "This is Ambassador Spock's complete consciousness. He is mentally the exact same person you have been familiar with."

"God." Jim's stance became even more defensive.

"Jim," Spock said, bewildered as he tried to hold Jim's hand.

Jim slapped him away. "Don't - you -" He trailed off, unable to form words.

The doctor intervened, offering Jim a PADD. "Captain Kirk, as Ambassador Spock's beneficiary, we have assigned you as his caretaker to monitor him for the next two weeks. This is a comprehensive list of tasks to be completed."

Jim's voice was dry. "I have a crew and ship."

"The Council has mandated this order, Captain. We can contact Starfleet. Your responsibilities can wait. We have on file that you donated the entirety of the Ambassador's wealth?"

Spock felt a strange piercing in his stomach as Jim stared at him. "Yes, that's correct. Everything's gone."

"You are responsible for transporting Ambassador Spock to his former residence and assisting him in settling in. He has opted to live alone in-"

Jim interrupted, "That's hardly safe for him, is it? In a body like that?"

Spock tried to stand taller, but it was a futile effort. "I am more than capable of making my own decisions, Captain."

Jim breathed out. "Of course you are."

The hospital discharged Spock, and he walked quickly to keep up with Jim as he led them to the car. Spock was still only wearing the hospital gown, and the air was chilly through the thin material.

As Spock sat down in the passenger's seat, Jim draped his jacket over Spock's legs, tucking it around his narrow form. Spock looked up to voice his thanks, then hesitated upon seeing Jim's averted face. It still held the conflicted crease between his eyebrows.

Spock looked out the window, clutching Jim’s jacket the entire car ride.

The awkward atmosphere continued as they entered the grocery mart together and walked together down the aisles. They had done this before Spock's death. Jim had lavished ceaseless affection on Spock, kissing and teasing with a fond smile. Now there was a visible gap between them. Spock took what he needed and placed it into the cart Jim was pushing. There was a cylinder of spices on the top shelf. Spock stood with his body and arm outstretched, yet he was unable to reach it. He looked at Jim, who wordlessly took the item and added it to the cart.

They looked through the children's section of clothing, and Spock chose a jacket and two robes, and several packs of undergarments. He would be able to replicate additional items later.

Spock hesitated walking past the Health and Beauty Care section. If Jim had removed all of Spock's belongings, that would mean that Spock no longer had any items facilitating sexual activities. If he wished to use a replicator for such products, he would have to acquire the replicator codes. Spock doubted he would be able to obtain them from the vendor in his current underage form.

Jim noticed Spock pause and his eyes flickered up to the store section sign. He pushed the cart away. Spock rushed to keep up with him. "Jim," he began.

"Find another adult to get you that shit," Jim said shortly, keeping his eyes ahead.

Spock knew that Jim already knew he was the only one Spock was legally permitted contact with outside of the Council. Without argument, Spock followed Jim and remained silent.

They were delayed in obtaining a replicator for Spock's empty house, and a light drizzle of rain began as they waited for the service worker. The rain was beating down heavily by the time Jim pulled up to Spock's residence. From the outside, it looked unaltered.

Spock and Jim rushed bags of groceries into the house. Spock's gown was clinging to his slim frame by the time they finished. He shuddered as he watched Jim bring the new replicator inside. Spock turned the setting to begin replicating items for a bedframe and mattress. It would finish production tomorrow. Spock would be sleeping on a blanket on the ground until then.

Jim found the bag with towels and shampoo, and he offered both to Spock. "Take a shower."

"Thank you, Jim." Spock took the offered products and observed Jim's clothing was also drenched with rain. "You may use one of the towels while you wait. I will be quick."

Jim said quickly, "There's no need for that, I'm going back to my ship now."

Spock froze. "You are leaving?"

"I need to check on my crew." Jim opened the front door again.

A pang of fear went through Spock's stomach. "You will return?"

"I'll be back." He did not say when.

Spock watched the door close behind Jim before reluctantly going to the shower. The environment was the same, albeit less furnished, however Spock was still not used to this smaller, younger body. It was a foreign sensation to wash his own hair, to touch himself with smooth hands and smoother skin. He stepped out of the shower and was startled by his own appearance in the mirror.

Spock dressed and forwent replicating a quick dinner to roll out a blanket and lie down. He closed his eyes reluctantly and listened to the water pouring outside.

He had never become comfortable with the sound of rain on New Vulcan.

Spock woke late in the morning despite having fallen asleep early the night before. It was unusual to wake with no soreness in his body, or shortness of breath. The sky outside was clear.

There was a notification on his PADD. Spock thought it might be a message from Jim, but it was a message sent by the Council, mandating that his true identity be kept a secret. Spock frowned at the implication that he would not be allowed to return to his work as an ambassador. 

Spock ate a small meal before going to the bags of groceries. Spock took them one by one back to the kitchen, and began to organize everything to its proper place. Anticipating a lack of a stove or freezer, Spock had obtained a portable induction cooktop and a small refrigerator. The food items were mostly dried or canned, with minimal perishables.

The pantry cabinets were just out of Spock's reach. He had to pause the fabrication of the bed to replicate a small stool so that he could reach the cabinets.

By the time Spock had finished organizing everything, it wasn't even midday and he was exhausted. He looked from the pantry to the completed components of the bedframe scattered over the floor. The replicator was now beginning to create the mattress. Spock would have to bring the bed parts up to the bedroom before attempting assembly. He also had to prepare something to eat for lunch.

Spock tried picking up one bedpost part and found it heavier than he expected. The mere thought of the monumental tasks ahead made Spock despair. This new, small body he was contained within could not handle the level of physical labor he had previously been capable of accomplishing. It would help immensely to have someone assisting him, but the only person Spock could interact with was Jim, and he was clearly avoiding Spock.

Spock rested and decided to assemble the bed in the living room next to the replicator. It was a strange place to have it, but he could see no other option.

Spock finished assembling the bed and spread out the mattress and covers. The pillows were in the process of being replicated while Spock struggled to put together a small coffee table. It looked very small in the expanse of the mostly bare room.

The front doorbell buzzed, and Spock started. He went to the front entrance and tilted his head up, straining to look at the intercom. It was the young captain.

Spock opened the door with wide eyes. "Jim."

Jim looked inside over Spock's head, hands in his pockets. "I'm legally obligated to spend a certain amount of hours with you per day." Spock wordlessly allowed Jim to enter and Jim raised an eyebrow at Spock's bed. "Why is the bed in the living room?"

"I found I lacked the strength to relocate the components to the second floor." Spock went to the kitchen. "I will prepare tea for you."

"Oh. Thank you."

Spock set the electric kettle, using his stool to climb onto the counter to retrieve the mugs on the cabinet shelf. When the hot tea was ready, Spock returned carrying the tray, only to realize that Jim was still standing in the middle of the floor. He was warily looking around the vacant space with no chairs. "Sit down," Spock urged, gesturing to the neatly made bed.

Jim didn't respond.

Spock set down the tray on the small table with less preciseness than he would've preferred. He could not help the edge in his voice. "You have not had any qualms with doing so before, Captain."

Jim's voice was cold. "I had no trouble with getting into Spock's bed."

Spock faced Jim, his expression helpless. "I do not understand. I am still the same person, Jim."

Jim's anger rose. "No, you're not!"

Spock wanted to flinch away from Jim's rise in tone, but he was too desperate to have Jim close to him once more. "I am the same. My mind has not changed."

Jim flung his arms out. "Look at you! You're in a fucking kid's body!"

"That may be true, but my mind is not one of a child's."

Jim shook his head. "No, I can't do this. I should've known, but I couldn't keep away. Fuck." Spock tried to reach out to comfort him, and Jim backed away immediately. "Do you have a comm?"

"No," Spock said, and the cold pit in his stomach returned. "Jim, don't go."

Jim took his comm out of his pocket and fiddled with it before dropping it into Spock's hands. "I'll text you." And then Jim left again. Spock stood in the empty house, clutching at the comm.

He waited over half an hour before it buzzed.

_ << spock? _

Spock's throat was tight.

_ >> Yes, Jim. _

A pause.

_ << is that really you spock? _

_ >> Yes, my love. _

_ << babe.. its really you.. _  
_ << god _  
_ << i fucking miss you so much _

Spock's brow furrowed. 

_ >> I do not understand. I am currently here and interacting with you. _

There was another very long pause. Spock had slipped to kneeling on the floor, watching the comm screen.

_ << im sorry babe _  
_ << i cant... _

Spock sighed. 

_ >> If communication in this manner is easier for you, I can interact with you solely like this. _

_ << you dont understand, spock. i watch you die. i saw_  
_ << i saw your body at the funeral, i grieved for months _  
_ << and now there's this punk ass kid saying that he's you? _

_ >> He is not a 'kid', Jim. _  
_ >> It is the truth. No one can explain why, but I am that fourteen-year-old. Whether you accept it or not, the fact remains that I am alive. _

_ << you know its not bc of you right _

_ >> The reason for your poor conduct? I am sure you will explain in your own time. Your apology has already been accepted. _

_ << he looked so hurt.. a kid shouldnt have an expression like that _

_ >> That was me, Jim. _  
_ >> I am sad because you are avoiding me. I desire your touch. _

Spock waits for a long time. The night gives way to daylight again, but there is no response.

Jim texted Spock back the next day, but he did not acknowledge Spock's message about desiring his touch. Spock did not mind. He was content that Jim was communicating with him once more. He spent the rest of the week trying to accustom himself to his body while refurbishing his empty home. He found that he tired quickly. Sometimes the soreness of his limbs rendered him unable to procure the strength for a simple meal.

The constant overuse of his body culminated to a single afternoon the next week. Spock was startled awake by the sound of the front door slamming open. There was something cold pressed to his face. He reached out with one hand, and realized it was the kitchen floor. 

"Spock!" Jim's frightened voice was deafening in Spock's tender ears, and a broad hand turned Spock over to his back. Jim was cradling Spock's small face in his trembling hands. His voice was unsteady. "You're awake."

Spock's throat was dry. "What happened?"

"You weren't responding to my texts." He felt Spock's weak body all over. "Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I must have passed out." Spock attempted to sit up only to fall into Jim's ready embrace. Spock closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling of Jim encircling him.

There was the beep of a communicator. “Bones, he’s here. He seems alright. I think he’s got a slight fever.” A pause. “No. No, he’s coming with me. We'll send someone back later to clean up before we leave. Two to beam up.”

Strong arms slipped under Spock’s body, easily lifting him off the ground. Spock didn’t bother to open his eyes as he felt the warmth of the transporter beam around them.

Spock was subjected to a full examination from Doctor McCoy in the _Enterprise_ ’s medical bay with Jim right next to him. The doctor was immediately concerned. He showed Spock and Jim the percentile curves on his PADD. “This body is awfully small for your age group, Ambassador. I have no precedent to work off of here, but how do you feel?”

Spock thought carefully. “I feel as though I am in need of a nap.”

The doctor nodded once. “You have some mild Harnke fever. It’s affecting your Vulcan blood, and only rest will help you recover.”

Jim led the way to the turbolift as crew members walked by and pretended not to stare. Spock was surprised to see Jim bring him to his private quarters instead of the guest quarters, but he did not comment.

The doors slid closed behind them. “Who is aware of my true identity?” Spock asked.

Jim sighed. “Your counterpart, Bones, Uhura and Hikaru.” Jim went to the replicator. His voice was still tense. "I'm sending someone back to grab your stuff, but you're staying with me here from now on. Is there anything in particular you need from the house?"

"Nothing," Spock said, slightly disoriented by the sudden turn of events. "Thank you for accommodating me, Jim."

Jim folded back the covers of his own bed. “Get some rest, Spock.”

Spock hesitated. Jim gently pushed Spock forward with a hand to the small of his back.

Spock settled under the plush covers. “If you choose to sleep on the couch due to this arrangement, I will be very displeased,” Spock murmured, feeling the weight of dense sleep pulling him down.

Jim didn’t reply, but Spock felt the coolness of his hand against Spock’s forehead before Spock fell asleep. Jim’s hand had always felt like it was burning into his skin before.

The last time Spock had been on the _Enterprise_ was to be transported to a diplomatic conference. Spock and Jim had shared each other’s bodies under Jim’s bedsheets. Spock remembered bringing the young captain to climax before the pleasure was reciprocated. He had fallen asleep with his head pressed to Jim’s bare chest.

Spock woke now and was surprised to see Jim asleep on the bed next to him. His body was a deliberate distance away from Spock’s, resting above the covers. He hadn’t changed into sleepwear and was still wearing the clothing he had brought Spock to the _Enterprise_ in.

Spock inched marginally closer to Jim and fell asleep again. When he opened his eyes, Jim was gone. There was a note informing Spock to stay in Jim’s quarters, however he was welcome to anything he discovered within it. Spock ended up dozing for most of the day, too tired to find something to eat. He woke up when Jim returned from the end of his shift.

“Are you alright, Spock?” Spock allowed himself to be scrutinized. “How do you feel? I’m making dinner. Is there anything you want?” 

As Jim prepared dinner, he explained where the starship was located and the various assignments they were fulfilling. They ate in peaceful silence. 

Spock cleared the dishes as per his own insistence. Jim, who had been so distant for the first week of Spock’s reborn life, was now hovering behind Spock at the sink. “Don’t overwork yourself.” Jim was not touching him, but he stood close enough that Spock could feel the worry radiating off of Jim’s skin. “Are you sure you don’t want me to do it?”

It was a surprising moment of normalcy - Spock had always made sure to do dishes after Jim cooked, and Jim had always nagged at Spock with his chin hooked over Spock’s shoulder. 

Spock finished the dishes with minimal difficulty and showered first while Jim waited in the bedroom. When Spock got into bed, Jim gently reached out a finger to touch Spock’s forehead with a knuckle. “Your fever’s gone down a lot.” He lowered his hand. “God, you scared me, Spock. Seeing you lying on the ground like that-” Jim didn't finish the sentence.

“I apologize.” Spock felt Jim’s touch linger like a throbbing heart pulse. “I shall endeavor not to worry you again.”

Jim shook his head. “Sleep, Spock.”

Spock slept. Perhaps it was the familiar environment smelling of Jim, but Spock had been sleeping better than he had in a very long time. He was feeling well enough next morning to follow Jim to the bridge. Jim looked conflicted. “You should probably stay here,” he said. “You're still recovering. People are suspicious.”

“I will not be a distraction,” Spock insisted. “I will go back to the room to rest after lunch.”

In the end, Jim took Spock with him. Spock’s resolve faltered at the shift in environment wherever he walked. It was as if the entire crew’s attention was focused on him, curious who he was and what relation he shared with the captain. Jim had lavished public attention on Spock in his previous body, but that was no longer possible. Now Jim maintained an awkward space between them.

Sulu and Uhura joined Jim and Spock for lunch break. They all sat together in a private booth in the mess hall, situated some distance apart from the others. Sulu and Uhura were eager to share conversation over tea. Spock could not help noticing how Jim fidgeted every time Uhura or Sulu referred to Spock as ‘Ambassador’.

Sulu glared to the right. “Another one. That’s the thirty-fourth crewmember I’ve caught staring.”

“Have you heard the rumors, Ambassador?” Uhura laughed humorlessly. “Some people suspect that the ambassador in his new body is Jim's secret child. There are a bunch of wild theories about who the other parent was.”

Jim’s frown deepened and he stood up abruptly. “We should get going now,” he said.

“Yep,” Sulu said agreeably, getting up and dusting his pants off. Uhura shook her head and followed Spock as they deposited their trays in the cycler. Spock could not help feeling relieved when he and Jim returned to the solitude of Jim’s quarters.

Spock hesitated. “Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you dispel the rumors?”

Jim let out a breath. “I’m not sure if it would be a good idea to address them.”

It was clear the rumors about Spock being Jim’s child were making Jim uncomfortable. Spock said, “I can return to New Vulcan if-”

“You’re staying here with me,” Jim said immediately. Spock couldn’t help the feeling of warmth enveloping him. Jim huffed out a laugh. “Well, your smile hasn’t changed.”

Spock’s smile just broadened from the words. 

Jim shook his head fondly. “I’ll be back after the rest of my shift, alright?”

Spock resisted the compulsion to give the young captain a hug. “Yes. I hope the rest of your shift goes well, Jim.”

“Spock.” Jim rang the intercom buzzer a second time. “Spock, open the door. What’s going on?”

Spock finally opened the door, not making eye contact with Jim. “I apologize for the delay.”

Jim’s eyebrows were raised. “Locking me out of my own room, sweetheart?”

Spock was trying to stay composed, but he had no control over this body. He was aware his face was still flushed to his ears, a slight tremble in his knees.

Jim’s eyes went to Spock’s blush, and his neutral expression collapsed. His voice was flat. “What were you doing?”

Spock’s blush deepened.

“On second thought, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” Jim moved inside his room, the doors closing behind him. Jim looked from the bed to Spock, then the bed again. “Tell me what you hid.” 

“I am not obligated to tell you.”

“It’s _my room_.”

Spock snapped, “It is my _body_. I have the right to do with it as I please.”

“Spock-”

Spock cut him off. “You will listen to my words, Captain. I am now contained within the body of a fourteen year old, but my mentality and desires have not altered. You refuse to touch me, so you should not be surprised that I have sought out another solution.” Spock rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door closed.

Spock leaned back against the door, and his eyes found the bathroom cycler, where he had already deposited the lube and dildo he had replicated. Spock abruptly remembered the many fights he had been involved with as a child. They had been messy and wholly unpleasant.

Spock stood unsteadily and got into the shower, stripping once more of the clothing he had hastily put on before opening the door for Jim. He was still frustrated, but he refused to tantrum as he did in his youth.

The water beating down helped Spock regain his control as he breathed in and out. Spock toweled off and slowly redressed in his clothing before reentering the bedroom. Jim was sitting on the bed, focused on him with an unusually soft expression.

“Spock.” Jim put his hand on the bed. “Come here.”

It would have been easier to handle if Jim was also mad at Spock, but he wasn’t. Spock’s irritation rose again, and he struggled to quell it. Jim’s amused expression was not proving helpful. Jim patted the bed again. “C’mon, Spock.”

Spock moved closer until he could crawl onto the bed. He put his head on the pillow, pointedly lying with his back to the young captain. Jim sighed and stretched his body out next to Spock, resting an arm over his side.

Spock blinked as Jim pulled Spock flush to his chest, curling his body into Spock’s. Jim reached through their bond, and Spock found himself relaxing against his will. He stifled the pleasant emotion and projected to the young captain that he was still upset. Jim chuckled and nuzzled the back of Spock’s still damp hair with his nose. “I figured as much.”

They lay cuddled together until Spock’s eyes were closed, his tension eased and his body in sync with Jim’s heartbeat once more. Jim’s rough voice broke through the placidity. “When I was younger than you - than your body is now, I had - there was a man named Frank. He was my mom’s eldest brother, and my mom was always away from the house for one reason or another. So she would leave me with him frequently. He. . .” Jim fell silent. “He took advantage of me.”

Spock felt cold. “Physically?”

"Yes." Jim pressed his face into Spock’s neck, his voice becoming smaller. “Violated in every way possible.”

Spock growled low in his throat, livid at the thought of anyone laying hands on his mate. Jim just laughed. “God. You used to sound scary, but you sound like a puppy now. He can’t hurt me anymore, Spock, he’s in prison. It’s alright. I’m alright.”

Spock ran his hand over Jim’s where they curled around his waist. “If he ever dares show his face, I will tear him apart.”

“That's fine.” Jim steeled his voice. “And I won’t be him. I can’t be involved with you in the same way we used to be.” Jim ran his hand up Spock’s arm. “I look at you, Spock, and I see a child. I’m not attracted to you in the way I used to be. But - but I’m terrified that I won’t be able to resist you, no matter what form you’re in. Because you’re you.”

Spock frowned. “As I have stated before-”

“I know, Spock.” Jim’s voice had a heavy weight of finality to it. “I know. But I can’t.”

Spock could not form words. He should have said he would be patient, that he would wait, wouldn't push Jim or try to seduce him to cede to Spock’s own desires. He found he could not promise that.

“That’s alright,” Jim said softly. “You’re not the only stubborn one, Spock. We’ll just have to agree to disagree about it until your body is of age, and then we won’t have to worry about it anymore. Okay?”

“Very well.” Spock pressed further back into Jim. “May I request you hold me a little longer?”

Jim kissed the top of Spock’s head. “Of course, Spock.”

“What about a kiss on the cheek?” Jim acquiesced, and Spock felt as if he was glowing when Jim’s lips touched his face. “You indulge me, my love.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve really wanted this too.” Jim squeezed Spock a little tighter before relaxing.

Spock hesitated. “What about a kiss to the lips?”

Jim laughed. “God, you’re not gonna make this easy for me, are you? No.”

Spock pouted, but he accepted another kiss to his cheek. “I anticipated that would be your answer.”

Tension eased, Jim stroked Spock’s smooth face before sitting up a little. “Do you want dinner, Spock?”

“I would rather lie in bed with you some more.”

“You need to eat. What if you get sick and collapse again? That’s not happening on my ship.” Despite his words, Jim lay back down to hug Spock close again. Spock made a questioning noise.

“Ten more minutes, Ambassador, and then we’re making dinner. Okay?”

Spock grumbled under his breath, but Jim kissed his cheek once more and Spock could not help the smile that spread across his face. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! (or reaching the bottom of the page ^^) I appreciate all kudos and any form of comments! especially the ones w emoji spam 💖💖✨✨
> 
> If you liked the hurt/comfort in this story, [you might like this kirk/spock prime shore leave fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426376)


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